Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
