just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
