Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
