all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
