I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
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