The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
