is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
