i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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