Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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