i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
