So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
