it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
