whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
