Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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