his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
