Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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