just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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