Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i just google imaged poop.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
