i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
