i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Enjoy the penises
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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