I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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