That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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