hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
