and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
