I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
