WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
