dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
