Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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