Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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