"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
