You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
