We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
