im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
