Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
