you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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