What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
