she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
