There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
