I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
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