How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
