did you get engaged???
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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