i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
