i would punch a child for taco bell
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize