Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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