Pants 0. Shit 1.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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