we have pet lesbian snakes
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
