Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
