i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
