So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
