my phone needs a breathalizer
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
