dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
