I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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