He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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