do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize
