if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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