if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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