nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Randomize
