If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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