I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
