you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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