I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm too high and old for this...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
