So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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