I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
