No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
