Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
