I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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