I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
