I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He felt like a one man threesome
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
