I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
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